Google: The New Religion

I believe more people worship google now than god, so I decided to let google be my 'god for the day (tm)' and see how it would handle the '10 Plagues' as mentioned in the bible.

1. The First Plague (Exodus 7:14-24) - RIVERS OF BLOOD.

God: All of the water in Egypt - right from water already in buckets and jars, to ponds, canals, streams, even the Nile River - turned to blood. Then all of the fish of the river died, causing a terrible stench.
Google: good old google.... send in Enoch Powell!




2. The Second Plague (Exodus 8:1-15) - FROGS.

God: Frogs miraculously multiplied in number, so many that the land was infested with the normally aquatic creatures. Even people's houses had them inside.
Google: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, now thats a scary prospect. Prey to god.... er, I mean google that we don't have any sound effects on this blog yet.



3. The Third Plague (Exodus 8:16-19) - GNATS

God: Vast swarms of gnats tormented people and animals.
Google: Don't blame me, it's what appeared when I typed gnats in google, and google's god for the day.




4. The Fourth Plague (Exodus 8:20-32) - FLIES

God: Vast swarms of flies through the land, spreading disease.
Google: Twits in flysuits, good choice google.



5. The Fifth Plague (Exodus 9:1-7) - DISEASE

God: Disease on the livestock - horses, donkeys, camels, cattle, sheep and goats - but those of the Israelites were unharmed.
Google: Apparently this creature represents a mouth disease you get from kissing... this explains why some days your tongue feels furry.

6. The Sixth Plague (Exodus 9:8-12) - BOILS

God: Festering boils on people and animals through the land.
Google: To keep up with the times and to be cool and trendy, google's boil wrath on the planet is a pop band no one's ever heard of.



And for those just eating dinner, here's a bonus one for you.



7. The Seventh Plague (Exodus 9:13-35) - HAIL

God: Powerful hail storms that destroyed the standing crops. The hail stones were so big that any people or animals caught outside in the storm were killed.
Google: Google would give you all a kick in the nads with the Burton 'HAIL' snowboot.



8. The Eighth Plague (Exodus 10:1-20) - LOCUSTS

God: Locusts in such great numbers that the ground was covered with them. They devoured everything that survived the hail storm.
Google: PHROOOAAARRR, sexy locust collecting scientist lady!



9. The Ninth Plague (Exodus 10:21-29) - DARKNESS.

God: Darkness over the entire land for three days - but the Israelites had light in Goshen.
Goggle: Sorry but I've banned google from searching for any images featuring any band members from the pop band 'The Darkness' so go play with your nobs instead... and turn your brightness up on your monitors.




10. The Tenth Plague (Exodus 11:1-10, 12:1-42) - DEATH OF THE FIRSTBORN.

God: Death of the firstborn. The Passover. Pharaoh let the Israelites go.
Google: Google dosen't like to kill new borns.... so instead has opted for a punishment based on its favourite hit TV show from the 70's 'Planet of the Apes'.